While on the train a few weeks ago, I noticed this lady holding and reading a book in her hands. Nothing much different from the ordinary except that, the title of the book immediately captured my attention. "How to Be Alone" by Sarah Maitland, thoughts in my head suddenly went bouncing back and forth like lotto balls. I was like, who would want to be alone? and more so, why write a book teaching people how to be alone? That's quite a terrible gift to give to someone or even to buy for yourself. Only people who wants priesthood or becoming monks for a vocation would want to have that.
The book was that compelling to me that I decided to have a copy and began reading it. The author's opening introduction right away touches the questions I had in mind the moment I saw that lady from the train. It presents the readers the author's gains and experiences about her taste of solitude from her own personal life accounts. Her issues with separations and living a life alone as a writer.
Indulging oneself into a life of solitude is met with a lot of criticism and even viewed as a serious cultural problem in the present times, it raises questions about identity and well-being, the author continues. A person engaging in such form of activity is subject to be labeled as sad, mad, and bad. He spent a life of solitude because he is sad and therefore he is becoming mad for doing so. If he isn't sad, then most probably he is bad, a psychopath. The book primarily covers a short history to define and understand the path how our present society evolved oddly in discriminating people who would rather choose to live a life of solitude. From the Romans political civilization and the struggles of the early Christians to pursue a different set of values opposite to the Romans.
The critics of silence find the desire for it as madly, for reasons that it is unnatural for humans to live a lonely life, humans are designed to belong to a pack and to deviate to such is simply ill. It is pathological, man ideally needs the intimacy that can be found in a relationship. It is necessary to health and happiness. Being alone can be dangerous, if something happens to you even in a mild accident, there will be no one there to save you. The list continues from being antisocial, an escapist where a person runs away from the realities of life and living a life of fantasy, and to be selfish person whom only want to seek his own pleasures and feeding his ego.
Though I haven't fully finished reading the book, the question now is, did the author convinced me to be a follower of solitude or for that matter accepted the fact on how to be alone? In many instances, "FEAR" was emphasized by the author as the driving force why many would rather choose not to experience a life in solitude. Fear to be labeled by the social critics. Fear of being discriminated from what is considered normal by most of the civilized world. However, the author stresses that "KNOWLEDGE" is the best antidote to fear and to which I agree. We tend to fear what we don't really know and that becomes our anxiety leading to a more negative self realization that may further lead to our own destruction.
At some point, we needed to switch off our buttons and just be alone with ourselves. To temporarily escape from the chaos and to reprogram our minds into our inner peace so that when we come back into the world of realities, we are refreshed and ready to face the challenges one more time. Being in solitude as the author suggested doesn't need to really go into isolation, we can learn to be alone with ourselves reading a book, taking some coffee, listening to music, a kind of meditation that puts the mind and the body at ease.
Most importantly, and this I fully agree with the author, to be in solitude, it should be freely chosen and not forced on you to be beneficial. After going through solitude, the author began to appreciate more her family, loved more. Secondly, you must have full knowledge and understanding of yourself. So while the author engaged into full solitude, I on the other hand, believe in taking things into moderation. I love to be in touch with my family and some close friends of mine. But even so, I have this deep feeling that we are born to be alone and we will leave this world alone.
Til next time!
